Everyday a blessing...

Thank you, thank you everyone!

2011-09-16T00:58:00.000+05:30

It is my 5^th wedding anniversary today. Whew! Some 5 years it has been!!

At the time we started a new life together, many people – including a bunch of astrologers - predicted that we would not complete 6 months together. This 5^th anniversary is the beginning of God’s answer to all those who tried to play God, to all those who claimed to see what was written in our stars but failed to see the love in our hearts.

When I told Manu that we ought to celebrate, he suggested the usual thing – prepare something special for friends and neighbors or throw a party of all of them. But there was something else on my mind.

I wanted to do something different, something really special. I wanted the two of us to personally visit and thank each and every person who supported us or played a role – big or small – in bringing us together. Well that list isn’t a short one. So I guess we have to spare at least a week to get it done. In the meanwhile, let me put down my gratitude in words.

Now here is a look at some of those wonderful individuals:

Neethu: She’s the one I’m indebted to most since I met Manu through her.

Ansil ikka: Manu first met me through Ansil ikka when the two were at my office.

Suneer, Rinash and Jasar: Three incredible guys who gave us complete help, support (and transport!) at a crucial time.

Jayan chettan and family: A sweet family and Manu’s relatives that gave us refuge when we needed it most.

Jayaram Sir, Yamuna Chechi, Santosh chettan and all the staff at JR Computers: For arranging a nice wedding ceremony, providing great encouragement and helping us get started off.

Jairaj, Ginto and others: For their invaluable presence and support.

In addition to these individuals, there are also others who have made these 5 years worth remembering. Let me thank them too:

Mummy (Manu’s mom): For welcoming me warmly into the family and being a mother instead of a mother-in-law. She worked non-stop (as always!) during the days I was hospitalized for my deliveries, trying hard to help me recuperate and run the household as well. A gem of a person with not a negative feeling towards anyone. Hard to believe someone can be so kind and forgiving. There’s more I could write about Mummy. But it just dawned on me that it would be better to dedicate an entire post to her instead.

Niyas: For being a true friend to Manu, keeping him away from bad company and for the great help he has provided on several occasions.

Raziya aunty: To put it simply, she is our World Bank! Whenever we hit a financial crisis, we go straight to her. She has always provided us excellent advice on maintaining financial stability.

Liya uncle, Hafeela aunty, Aysha and Ahzan: As Hafeela aunty says, she is Manu’s mother in law now. Actually this is the only family from my past that still maintains contact with me and pays me a visit every now and then. Thanks a lot for simply being there for us!

Harish and Vidhu: For including us in their wonderful trips to Guruvayoor and Kumarakom.

Finally, I would like to thank God Almighty for helping us find one another and for being there with us in all our ups and downs. Thank you God for this beautiful life and for this wonderful life partner. Love you Manu!

Onam's here!!

2011-09-10T17:27:00.000+05:30

It was Onam yesterday.

After the usual sadya, Aman and Ayush had a great time with Kannan and Ambadi at Vijayan aliyan's house.

Here are some snaps of Aman with the new 'Kaduva' masks he bought.

Back to Sri Padmanabha’s land

2011-08-18T00:04:00.000+05:30

It was 13^th August 2011. Manu, Aman, Ayush and I were on our way to Pothencode in Thiruvananthapuram to spend a couple of days with Manu’s uncle’s family. The moment we crossed Kollam, memories came flooding into my mind. After all, it had been almost 5 years since I had been to Thiruvananthapuram. Since I had left home in September 2006, I never had a reason to go back there.

The uncle’s house was located in a great place full of banana and rubber plantations. Aman immediately connected with their grandchild Kashinathan whom they call Akku. This sweet little boy was a real chatterbox. His mom is a nurse in the Medical College and his Dad works with Gokulam Chits. The family really pampered us with their care and hospitality.

On the second day of our visit, all of us jammed into our car for a trip down to the Shankhumukham Beach. It was a truly memorable evening. Seemed like the entire people in Thiruvananthapuram were at the beach. The waves were huge and came crashing down, sending fine mists almost up to the road. All of us joined hands and ventured a bit into the water. The kids shrieked with joy each time the waves drenched them. When we had enough of it, Aman spotted the ice-cream wagon.

After a round of Cornettos we all were relaxing on the sand and waiting for our clothes to dry off when a stray dog strolled by and sat by Aman - probably attracted by the chocolatey mess on his face!. Then Akku started pulling his Dad towards the kids’ park. As soon as Aman saw the rides there, he was out of control. He wanted to ride on the train, the car, the plane, the horse and everything else that caught his fancy. We had a tough time controlling the kids. Finally we managed to get them out of the park with promises of ice-creams, chocolates and masala dosa at Akku’s favorite restaurant!

Although we adults were tired after all that hungama, the kids were still full of energy. Thankfully Aman and Akku dozed off as soon as we reached home. As I packed our things to leave the next day, both the kids looked upset. Akku came up to me, gave me a tight hug, a small peck on my cheek and enquired if we really had to go. I assured him we would be back after a few days.

It was a nice trip that Aman thoroughly enjoyed. He simply cannot stop talking about Akku to our neighbors. My only regret was that I couldn’t go to the Sri Padmanabha temple and Pazhavangadi temple. It was something I had been planning for a long time. But then there is always a next time…

Ayush – A true gift

2011-08-10T01:25:00.000+05:30

Asha wanted to know why I hadn’t posted anything significant about Ayush. She also gave me a dig enquiring if his birth had disappointed me since I had been looking forward to a daughter.

My son is a precious gift from God. So there is no reason to be disappointed about that. In fact, he is extra special to me for another reason. Here’s that untold story…

It was October 2009. Manu and I had been planning for a second baby. From the few subtle symptoms I had been experiencing for some days, I was sure I had conceived. However, I waited till the expected days of periods were well past before breaking the news to Manu. Naturally, he was thrilled.

That evening Manu passed on the good news to his friends while they were in the middle of a party. Around this time, Manu was planning to purchase a new car. His friends too knew about this. When Manu told them that a new baby was on the way, their question was ‘What about the new car?’ Manu replied that the car purchase would now be put on hold since the baby was top priority. But his friends didn’t seem to get the point. They were like ‘How can you say no to a car because of a baby. Why not say no to the baby? You can always have a baby later on. But now is the right time to buy a car.’

Though their logic may seem ridiculous, they somehow managed to convince Manu to go forward with the car purchase after having the baby aborted. When Manu informed me about this decision, I was shattered. I did not sleep that night. I didn’t want to let go of my baby at any cost. I kept tossing and turning all night worrying if this would perhaps be the last night for the little one. We were to go to the doctor the next day.

When we arrived at the hospital, the staff informed us that the doctor would be late by 2 hours. I felt it was a God-given chance to try talking to Manu again. But Manu maintained that his friends had a point – desperate situations called for desperate measures.

The doctor arrived. Manu explained matters. She immediately scribbled something on a paper, tore it off and directed me to a room at the far end of the corridor. My fingers wrapped tightly around the piece of paper were trembling as I made my way to the door. I slowly raised my hand to the cold handle of the door and turned back to look at Manu standing a few feet back. Tears were streaming down my face as I told him one last time ‘I don’t want to do this to my baby.’

I seriously don’t know what happened in that instant. Maybe the seriousness of the situation had suddenly dawned on him or perhaps it was the pathetic look on my face, Manu told me the baby didn’t have to go if I wanted it so much. The feeling of sadness that had engulfed me suddenly lifted and I sighed with relief. My baby was gonna live!

For the next 9 months leading up to my delivery, I continued to countdown the days left until I could finally see my little one’s face. Thanks to God’s grace, there was nothing complicated. But little was I to know that another grueling test was just around the corner.

It was the evening of June 30^th 2010. I was in the doctor’s room for my checkup. The baby was due in a week. I informed the doctor about a gripping pain in my legs. She completed the check up and advised me to get admitted right away. The c-section would be performed next morning. I went back home, collected my things and got admitted within a couple of hours.

As the doctor had predicted, the pain worsened at night. It wasn’t contractions. And there was no chance of a normal delivery since the baby’s position wasn’t right. All night I battled the pain. I so badly wanted to see Manu. But he was away on business and would arrive only in the morning. Meanwhile the nurses kept repeating everything was alright and that I would be operated on first as soon as the doc arrived in the morning.

When the pain still hadn’t subsided by early morning, the doctor informed the head nurse to keep monitoring the baby’s movements. It was then I started fearing something was not right. I forgot my pain and began praying for my baby. My Caesarean was scheduled for 11.30 am. But the doc arrived early and started operating at around 8.30 am. Soon they lifted out the little one. But he looked as if he was covered in mud. And he wasn’t crying.

The doctor gave him a small smack on his bottom. Still no cries. Another smack followed – a sharper one. This time he suddenly jerked and out flowed some kind of dark, thick liquid from his nose and mouth. Then came the sound we all had been waiting for – a loud wail.

The doctor then handed him over to the nurses. As the two nurses cleaned him, the doc noticed that the baby was again silent. ‘Why isn’t the baby crying? Let me hear him crying.’ The doc told the nurses. One of the nurses quickly inserted a thin tube into his nose and pulled out more of that liquid. Now that the obstruction was almost gone, Ayush cried out loud and clear, much to the relief of everyone present.

The nurse wrapped him up in a blanket and brought him to me. I gently kissed him on the cheek and watched as the nurse carried him away to the pediatrician. In a few minutes, I was transferred to my room. I eagerly looked around for the baby. ‘He will be here soon.’ Manu assured me. I kept praying that nothing bad turn up in his check up. Thankfully, he was alright. He had swallowed some fluid while in the womb. Now he was okay and breathing well.

When the nurse finally laid him gently beside him, I looked at him for the longest time. Everything that happened in the past 10 months – from the time of conception to the delivery- passed through my mind in fast-forward mode. I closed my eyes and offered my thanks to God for the wonderful gift that lay peacefully sleeping, blissfully unaware of the worries he had already caused me!

Today, Ayush is an extremely naughty one-year old always looking for new ways to pick up fights with his brother. Ayush really is our sunshine, a true gift.

Ayush in a bucket!!

2011-07-15T21:03:00.001+05:30

Even at the height of monsoons when everyone is really feeling the cold and longing to curl up after winding up the day's work, Ayush is always sweaty and ready for a refreshing bath in cold water. Unlike other kids of his age, Ayush loves bath time. In fact, he is extremely upset and starts protesting when I pick up up from the water to dry him off.

Today was an exceptionally cold day. But take a look at these snaps to see Ayush happily making a splash in a bucketful of water.

The rains are here again!!

2011-07-14T22:41:00.000+05:30

Here is a video of what morning was like. I am posting this specially for Gopi who hoped that we were enjoying the monsoons. Take a look and tell me what you think of it.

By the way I also considered adding a snap of the huge load of laundry that had to be put aside for a week due to non-stop rains. But then I thought why spoil the whole ambiance of monsoons. After all the cool showers gave Ayush and me a good reason to oversleep!!

Birthday snaps of my boys

2011-07-02T19:38:00.000+05:30

Here are some snaps that I took yesterday. Both of them are wearing the new clothes their Dad gifted them for their birthday.

Happy Birthday Boys!!

2011-06-30T16:18:00.000+05:30

Can’t believe Ayush will be one year old tomorrow. Seems like yesterday the nurse handed him over to me for the first time, a pink little newborn, all wrapped up in blanket and sleeping peacefully. And today he is a mischievous bundle of joy, my sunshine who keeps spreading smiles everywhere.

In another five days, Aman will turn 4. How fast these kids grow! Until a year ago, Aman was everyone’s pet. Now he is Ayush’s ‘chettaai’, ordering his little brother around, protecting him from falls and scolding him when he tries to swallow anything undesirable.

The rapport the boys share is unbelievable. I was initially worried about how Aman would react to everyone’s attention on Ayush. But he has adjusted pretty well. Now he loves to show off his baby bro to the other kids in his playschool. He is also carefully storing away his homework books so that he will be able to teach Ayush everything later on.

Ayush has begun standing up. In a month or two, he will begin running around. So finally the boys are becoming manageable. A good thing since Aman will be in school next year.

No time for a lengthy write-up today. So here’s wishing my boys happy birthday; sugar, spice and everything nice all throughout their long lives! God Bless!

Another delightful treat from Roald Dahl

2011-05-21T20:36:00.003+05:30

When a kid accidentally consumes a large dose of medicine or pills, the situation is surely a serious one. But Roald Dahl has taken a lighter approach to this issue and given us this wonderful, simply delightful composition. It is titled 'Attention Please! Attention Please!'. You'll love this one!

'Attention please! Attention please!
Don't dare to talk! Don't dare to sneeze!
Don't doze or daydream! Stay awake!
Your health, your very life's at stake!
Ho–ho, you say, they can't mean me.
Ha–ha, we answer, wait and see.

Did any of you ever meet
A child called Goldie Pinklesweet?
Who on her seventh birthday went
To stay with Granny down in Kent.

At lunchtime on the second day
Of dearest little Goldie's stay,
Granny announced, 'I'm going down
To do some shopping in the town.'

(D'you know why Granny didn't tell
The child to come along as well?
She's going to the nearest inn
To buy herself a double gin.)

So out she creeps. She shuts the door.
And Goldie, after making sure
That she is really by herself,
Goes quickly to the medicine shelf,
And there, her little greedy eyes
See pills of every shape and size,
Such fascinating colours too ––
Some green, some pink, some brown, some blue.

'All right,' she says, 'let's try the brown,'
She takes one pill and gulps it down.
'Yum–yum!' she cries. 'Hooray! What fun!
They're chocolate–coated, every one!'
She gobbles five, she gobbles ten,
She stops her gobbling only when
The last pill's gone. There are no more.
Slowly she rises from the floor.
She stops. She hiccups. Dear, oh dear,
She starts to feel a trifle queer.

You see, how could young Goldie know,
For nobody had told her so,
That Grandmama, her old relation
Suffered from frightful constipation.
This meant that every night she'd give
Herself a powerful laxative,
And all the medicines that she'd bought
Were naturally of this sort.
The pink and red and blue and green
Were all extremely strong and mean.

But far more fierce and meaner still,
Was Granny's little chocolate pill.
Its blast effect was quite uncanny.
It used to shake up even Granny.
In point of fact she did not dare
To use them more than twice a year.
So can you wonder little Goldie
Began to feel a wee bit moldy?

Inside her tummy, something stirred.
A funny gurgling sound was heard,
And then, oh dear, from deep within,
The ghastly rumbling sounds begin!
They rumbilate and roar and boom!
They bounce and echo round the room!
The floorboards shake and from the wall
Some bits of paint and plaster fall.

Explosions, whistles, awful bangs
Were followed by the loudest clangs.
(A man next door was heard to say,
'A thunderstorm is on the way.')
But on and on the rumbling goes.
A window cracks, a lamp–bulb blows.

Young Goldie clutched herself and cried,
'There's something wrong with my inside!'
This was, we very greatly fear,
The understatement of the year.
For wouldn't any child feel crummy,
With loud explosions in her tummy?

Granny, at half past two, came in,
Weaving a little from the gin,
But even so she quickly saw
The empty bottle on the floor.
'My precious laxatives!' she cried.
'I don't feel well,' the girl replied.
Angrily Grandma shook her head.
'I'm really not surprised,' she said.
'Why can't you leave my pills alone?'

With that, she grabbed the telephone
And shouted, 'Listen, send us quick
An ambulance! A child is sick!
It's number fifty, Fontwell Road!
Come fast! I think she might explode!'

We're sure you do not wish to hear
About the hospital and where
They did a lot of horrid things
With stomach–pumps and rubber rings.
Let's answer what you want to know;
Did Goldie live or did she go?

The doctors gathered round her bed,
'There's really not much hope,' they said.
'She's going, going, gone!' they cried.
'She's had her chips! She's dead! She's died!'
'I'm not so sure,' the child replied.
And all at once she opened wide
Her great big bluish eyes and sighed,
And gave the anxious docs a wink,
And said, 'I'll be okay, I think.'

So Goldie lived and back she went
At first to Granny's place in Kent.
Her father came the second day
And fetched her in a Chevrolet,
And drove her to their home in Dover.

But Goldie's troubles were not over.
You see, if someone takes enough
Of any highly dangerous stuff,
One will invariably find
Some traces of it left behind.
It pains us greatly to relate
That Goldie suffered from this fate.
She'd taken such a massive fill
Of this unpleasant kind of pill,
It got into her blood and bones,
It messed up all her chromosomes,
It made her constantly upset,
And she could never really get
The beastly stuff to go away.

And so the girl was forced to stay
For seven hours every day
Within the everlasting gloom
Of what we call The Ladies Room.
And after all, the W.C.
Is not the gayest place to be.

So now, before it is too late.
Take heed of Goldie's dreadful fate.
And seriously, all jokes apart,
Do promise us across your heart
That you will never help yourself
To medicine from the medicine shelf.'

Television - an enlightening poem

2011-05-21T00:31:00.000+05:30

Hi. I just stumbled upon this poem in poem-hunter.com. It is titled 'Television' and composed by Roald Dahl. A very interesting composition with an even better message. A must-read for today's youth.

Here it is. Read and enjoy!

The most important thing we've learned,
So far as children are concerned,
Is never, NEVER, NEVER let
Them near your television set --
Or better still, just don't install
The idiotic thing at all.

In almost every house we've been,
We've watched them gaping at the screen.
They loll and slop and lounge about,
And stare until their eyes pop out.
(Last week in someone's place we saw
A dozen eyeballs on the floor.)

They sit and stare and stare and sit
Until they're hypnotized by it,
Until they're absolutely drunk
With all that shocking ghastly junk.

Oh yes, we know it keeps them still,
They don't climb out the window sill,
They never fight or kick or punch,
They leave you free to cook the lunch
And wash the dishes in the sink --
But did you ever stop to think,
To wonder just exactly what
This does to your beloved tot?

IT ROTS THE SENSE IN THE HEAD!
IT KILLS IMAGINATION DEAD!
IT CLOGS AND CLUTTERS UP THE MIND!
IT MAKES A CHILD SO DULL AND BLIND
HE CAN NO LONGER UNDERSTAND
A FANTASY, A FAIRYLAND!
HIS BRAIN BECOMES AS SOFT AS CHEESE!
HIS POWERS OF THINKING RUST AND FREEZE!
HE CANNOT THINK -- HE ONLY SEES!

'All right!' you'll cry. 'All right!' you'll say,
'But if we take the set away,
What shall we do to entertain
Our darling children? Please explain!'

We'll answer this by asking you,
'What used the darling ones to do?
'How used they keep themselves contented
Before this monster was invented?'
Have you forgotten? Don't you know?

We'll say it very loud and slow:
THEY ... USED ... TO ... READ! They'd READ and READ,
AND READ and READ, and then proceed
To READ some more. Great Scott! Gadzooks!
One half their lives was reading books!

The nursery shelves held books galore!
Books cluttered up the nursery floor!
And in the bedroom, by the bed,
More books were waiting to be read!

Such wondrous, fine, fantastic tales
Of dragons, gypsies, queens, and whales
And treasure isles, and distant shores
Where smugglers rowed with muffled oars,
And pirates wearing purple pants,
And sailing ships and elephants,
And cannibals crouching 'round the pot,
Stirring away at something hot.
(It smells so good, what can it be?
Good gracious, it's Penelope.)

The younger ones had Beatrix Potter
With Mr. Tod, the dirty rotter,
And Squirrel Nutkin, Pigling Bland,
And Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle and-
Just How The Camel Got His Hump,
And How the Monkey Lost His Rump,
And Mr. Toad, and bless my soul,
There's Mr. Rate and Mr. Mole
Oh, books, what books they used to know,
Those children living long ago!

So please, oh please, we beg, we pray,
Go throw your TV set away,
And in its place you can install
A lovely bookshelf on the wall.
Then fill the shelves with lots of books,
Ignoring all the dirty looks,
The screams and yells, the bites and kicks,
And children hitting you with sticks-
Fear not, because we promise you
That, in about a week or two
Of having nothing else to do,
They'll now begin to feel the need
Of having something to read.

And once they start -- oh boy, oh boy!
You watch the slowly growing joy
That fills their hearts. They'll grow so keen
They'll wonder what they'd ever seen
In that ridiculous machine,
That nauseating, foul, unclean,
Repulsive television screen!
And later, each and every kid
Will love you more for what you did.

Kayva Vibhu – You are still here in my thoughts!

2011-05-16T22:34:00.000+05:30

All of us have some dear friends during childhood who we believe will be there with us until we grow old and bent. But some of these close friends slowly drift away leaving behind wonderful memories of the times spent together. I have lots of such friends. But Kavya Vibhu is definitely at the top of that list.

Kavya was my first friend in life. She is a month or so younger than me. We both began spending time together even before we had learnt to say ‘Amma’. Our families were based in Abu Dhabi and were very close. Most evenings both families would gather either at Kavya’s house or mine.

One particular thing that everyone who knew the Kavya of those days would remember is her irresistible urge to bite anyone she liked. Most of the time it was me! After she was severely reprimanded for doing so, Kavya would wait impatiently till it was time for everyone to disperse. Then she would beg her father, ‘Acha, please…let me bite Nitha just once.” The scene was pathetic and amusing at the same time.

Years rolled by. I think Kavya was in the 3^rd or 4^th grade when her father passed away. We weren’t old enough to understand the seriousness of the situation. However, I still remember the sad and thoughtful look on her face as I accompanied her to see her off at the airport. It was our last car trip together.

Whenever we came down to Kerala, we used to visit her house in Manarcaud, Thiruvananthapuram. But distance had certainly affected the friendship. Both of us were more formal and restrained now. I saw her last during her marriage in 2005. Right now I have no idea where she is.

There is a reason for saying all this now. Today, I found a piece of paper lying on my table. It was light green on one side and white on the other. There was something written on the white portion. That sight triggered something in my memory and I had to travel back some 20 years to remember a similar piece of paper that I had received from Kavya. It was during the good old days of postal mail that I received a letter from Kavya. Within it was a small square piece of paper, green on one side and white on the other. On the white side, childish writing in blue ink read:

When I long die and my bones begin to burn,

Take this book, open this page and say ‘Kavya, you are not forgotten’.

The elders who saw that dismissed it as silly. But those words touched me. And today, 20 years on I would like to tell her in reply:

Wherever you are Kavya, may God’s blessings fill your life

Coz you are a dear, dear friend who will always be there in my thoughts and my prayers. You will never be forgotten friend!

A Few Thoughts on a Special Day

2011-03-24T12:33:00.000+05:30

Happy birthday to me! Yes it’s my birthday today. Guess what? I will turn 30 today. ‘30’. Sounds so old, doesn’t it?. Shinu Shantakumar was telling me the same thing a few days back – ‘30 yrs and mother of 2 sounds so old, Nitha.’

I still remember the day I turned 20. I was kind of excited about entering the 20s. and the 20s sure were the most happening years so far. I graduated at 21 years. Joined my first job at 24. Got married at 25. Had my first baby at 26 and the second one at 29 years. Seems like all the best things in my life happened during the 20s.

But as I enter 30s, there is no such excitement. It’s more of anxiety. I’m anxious about my skin turning dry, anxious about a few grey hairs, anxious about my hair falling out in clumps, anxious about me losing weight rapidly and turning skinny…I guess the first thing I must start doing now is concentrate more on my health and ensure a balanced diet. It is something I have been neglecting thanks to my two mischievous kids.

There is something else I have been ignoring for a long time now. Dancing. I really wish I could resume dancing. After training in classical dance for about 10 years and performing at functions until my last year at college, it’s been years since I have been able to find time for it. In fact, when I mentioned to Silu that I was now into full-time writing, her response was, ‘From dancer to writer?’

Dancing was so rejuvenating. It was a great outlet to vent stress or tensions. Dancing gave me untold joy. And of course it was a nice workout as well. So it is something I need to bring back to my life.

So as you see, there are many things one has to give up as years go by. On the bright side, I think I am becoming more balanced in my attitude as I grow older. I have learned to keep my temper in check. I have stopped shouting at Aman for the slightest reasons. I keep convincing myself I do not have to multi-task all the time. I am an expert at balancing Ayush with one arm and cooking/cleaning/checking mails/making calls with the other!

So once again here’s wishing a happy birthday and long life to myself!

Watermelons – True Juicy Delights!

2011-03-15T22:37:00.015+05:30

As I wiped the sweat from my brow and took another gulp of chilled water, I couldn’t help wondering how much hot the day would get. Seriously, this global warming thing seems to be advancing faster than the scientific world assumes.

Unlike most parts of world, Kerala experiences just two kinds of seasons – it is either rainy or sunny. During monsoons, it just does not stop raining. The roads get flooded and muddy, sewers overflow and infectious diseases are full on. The situation makes one pray for one glorious, sunny day.

The sunny days are unbearably hot, dry and sweltering. The scorching sun seems intent on dehydrating everyone. Wells and ponds dry up, the price of vegetables and flowers shoots up and people seem unusually appreciative of the cool shade of trees.

Right now, it is dry and hot here. As I held my screaming baby and tried to prepare his meal at the same time, the heat was getting on my nerves. Just then I heard my husband’s bike screeching to a halt by the door. Manu had arrived for lunch. And he had a transparent plastic bag with a huge watermelon in it.

I sliced two large, semi-circular pieces of the fruit and placed it in the fridge before joining Manu at the dining table. As we finished lunch, the slices were nicely chilled. Each of us took one each. As I took one bite into that crunchy, juicy delight, I thanked God for creating something so sweet and wonderful. I relished each bite of the fruit, slowly savoring its sweet, juicy flavor. Having that one slice was so refreshing; it seemed to cool me from within.

I returned to the fridge and sliced out a few more pieces. After deseeding and chopping them up into bite-sized pieces, I transferred it to a colorful bowl. That’s for Aman who will be returning exhausted from play school. Aman loves watermelons.

Ayush has been watching me all this while. I think he wants to have a taste of that. Ayush cautiously sips a small piece of watermelon that I hold to his mouth. His face suddenly lights up. He looks at me, gives me a beautiful smile and continues with it.

Ok so the watermelon is proving to be a wonderful, rejuvenating force for all for us. No wonder God put it here for us. Thank you Lord for blessing us with this glorious, juicy delight. It surely makes these hot days more bearable.

Oh…I love watermelons. Do you?

An interesting watermelon fact: Check out this image of square watermelons. Here's the explanation for it that I found on the net.

'A round watermelon can take up a lot of room in the fridge. Smart Japanese farmers have forced watermelons to grow into square shapes by inserting the melons into square, tempered, glass cases while the fruit is still growing on the wine.'

Interesting isn't it?

Long time no see huh?

2011-02-21T22:44:00.004+05:30

Whew! Life sure is tough with two kids around. I hope that nicely explains why I haven't been blogging for so long.

For the last few months, some kind of mysterious virus seems to have settled down very well at home. Someone is sick all the time. Most of the time, it's either Aman, Ayush, me, or worse, all of us! Caring for a feverish baby in itself is an overwhelming task. Being sick myself and caring for a feverish baby at the same time was simply too much. Hopefully, the worst is over. The kids have recovered well. However the virus is yet to let go of me completely.

Ayush is now showing signs of teething pains. Yes, one tiny teeth has shown up on his lower jaw. And he keep chewing on everything he can get his hands on - me. Ouch!

He will soon begin crawling. So that's another tiring sequence of running-around-the-baby for me. And of course, I almost forgot something. When Aman started talking at around 8 months, I thought it was pretty early for a baby to do that. Ayush has broken that record. He is just 7 months now and he has begun calling me 'Amme'. He also says 'Tata'. And when he needs some water, he sticks a finger into his mouth and looks at me closely. It sure is nice to watch those cute antics.

Right now, it is 11pm. As I sit here tapping away at my keyboard, my two sons are peacefully asleep, both facing each other. A perfect picture. This is how I wish to see them always - together and caring for each other. Well, that sure is not too much to ask. So I hope God grants me that wish.

Good night.

The 7 stages of parenthood - this is interesting!

2010-11-14T19:31:00.014+05:30

Hi everyone. a few days back, I came across a newsletter from the 'Ultimate Parenting' website written by Noel Swanson. The content was titled 'The 7 stages of Parenthood'. Although I know what being a parent feels like, this article offered an interesting insight into the whole thing. I thought it was worth sharing. So here it is.

The Seven Stages of Parenthood

Stage 1: The Twinkle in Your Eye.

"Shall we start a family, darling?" The biological clockticks, the maternal instinct weighs heavy. Seeing babies everywhere prompts a sigh, "isn't she so cute?". All helped of course by the tiresome chore called "making babies".

Stage 2: Heavy with Child

The missed period - am I, aren't I? Soon confirmed by the morning trips to the bathroom to meet with you new acquaintances Ralph and Huey. But it is all worth it when you feel that first flutter - was that a kick? Was that his, you-know, on the ultrasound?

A few months later and you know all about those kicks - and the elbows. Plus backache, piles, swollen ankles, varicose veins - who was responsible for getting you into this state????

Wow - was that you swearing like a trouper? Puff puff, pant pant, "you *****ing *****, I'm never **** going to **** with you again! Oh, Oh, Oh, Ah... isn't she sweet? let's see. ten fingers, ten toes, Oh she's just perfect, isn't she, darling?"

Stage 3: A first time for everything

Sleepless nights, sore nipples, dieting to lose all those extra pounds. Meanwhile, the little darling can do no wrong. Look! She smiles! And she has discovered her toes!I wonder if they really taste so good?

First time: sitting, crawling, standing, walking. First word, First solid food. First potty. First full blown,

lie-on-the-floor-and-kick-the-feet tantrum. Each a major achievement to celebrate.

Nursery rhymes and pat-a-cake - crucial for child development but, all too often these days, delegated to the TV.

First kindergarten or school: a mixed blessing. Where did my baby go?

Stage 4: Playgrounds, parties and alphabets.

How fast they change from being cuddly babies to young, independent, school kids. In some English private schools they even wear a uniform with cap and tie (for the boys)!

Toilet jokes - everything and anything to do with pooping and peepee is absolutely hilarious!

Their first best friend, and first rejection. Scraped knees in the playground. And, of course, their first "it's not fair!"

How hard it is to let them go - but you can't protect them from everything.

Stage 5 - Reading, Riting and Rithmatic

Time to put the play aside for a moment. There's letters and sums to learn. For some, it is just a walk in the park, for others it is climbing Everest. It is at this time that the differences between children become apparent. Those with easy kids can't see what all the fuss is about, yet for others it is the beginnings of years of stress, worry, tears and heartache.

Even so, there are always the little events to remember - All she wants for Christmas is her two front teeth (along with Barbie and a puppy dog!)

Time too for rules and chores, they're not your little babies anymore!

Stage 6 - Pre-teens and Puberty

Girls will be girls and boys will be boys - and never the two shall mix. Well, why would they? The girls are all into pink and giggle too much - and the boys are just too cool for such silliness.

Clothes. You are just SO out of date mom! No one wears that anymore! And why should it matter if my pants are hanging down by my knees? Mom, these clothes are too small!

Language. Well cool.

First bra, first period. Lipstick and makekup. Squeeky voice that breaks. Anti-perspirant.

Stage 7 - Kevin goes Large

Suddenly boys and girls are not so alien after all. Does (s)he fancy me?

Suddenly too, your precious child, whom you taught everything, knows more than you. In fact, you apparently, know nothing, and they know everything!

Parents are out, friends are everything. So is music and fashion. And late nights. "Aw mum, why do I have to be back so early - everyone else is staying until 3 am!" Oh yeah? Are they really?

But, every now and then, you can have an amazing conversation with your new young adult - as long as you aren't trying to lecture them.

Then, one day, the fireworks settle. The grunts turn into English again and like a phoenix from the ashes, and new (adult) human emerges - full of ideals and dreams and visions, but perhaps a bit short on confidence and wisdom.

Son they leave home - but they are still your little darlings. Your worries and hopes for them continue.

"I'll love you, forever. I'll like you, for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be"

- Robert Munsch

Homework – dreadful no more…

2010-10-06T19:57:00.010+05:30

For the past few months – ever since Ayush’s birth to be exact – I have not been able to attend to Aman’s studies. The result? Aman simply refuses to do his homework. Okay, he is still a pre-schooler. But if I let him have his way now, I’ll probably have a hard time getting him to do his homework when he joins kindergarten next year.

But then I need not worry too much. The situation is the same in most homes. Kids hate doing homework. We too hated it as kids, remember? Homework time is almost like a war – between impatient patents and their stubborn kids. Most often, this war ends in parents completing the homework while the kids play around. That is obviously not the right solution.

Now experts say parents must stop doing homework for their kids and instead learn ways of making them do it. You must first observe and identify why your kid dislikes or refuses to do his homework. Here are some of the usual reasons:

Reason 1: Difficulty in following lessons

Solution: While some kids quickly grasp new lessons, others may take time to catch up. These slow learners generally find homework too difficult. Be patient, understand your child’s pace of learning and encourage him complete homework on his own.

Reason 2: After 6-7 hours at school, kids will obviously be tired and sleepy.

Solution: Allow kids to unwind. Let them play around or take a small nap after school. Then give them a refreshing bath and something nutritious to eat. Now watch them tackle homework with a new zeal.

Reason 3: Poor attention span

Solution: Small kids cannot concentrate on one thing for more than 15-20 minutes. So don’t pressurize them to complete their homework all at once. If you notice them getting distracted, leave them alone for a while and resume homework later.

Reason 4: Their favorite TV shows running on full volume

Solution: This is perhaps the most common reason why kids get distracted from their homework. Set aside some time for homework everyday and keep the TV switched off until ‘homework time’ is over.

Parents can actively guide their kids during homework time by clearing doubts and patiently correcting them if they misspell or mispronounce something. Most importantly, make sure the kids get to do their homework in a quiet and peaceful environment.

By the way, Aman’s problem was quickly solved. He wanted absolutely no distractions while doing homework. Even a playful giggle from baby Ayush was enough for him to quit homework. So I now handover Ayush to my mother-in-law and then help Aman with his homework. It’s working unbelievably well!

Let their dreams soar…

2010-10-04T19:27:00.006+05:30

‘…You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
…You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.’
-‘On Children’ by Kahlil Gibran

“My son isn’t paying attention to his studies. He is completely engrossed with colors and painting. My husband and I work very hard to send him to a good school. And look at him – wasting time on drawing and painting.” This was what a neighbor was telling me the other day about her 6 year old son. That set me thinking about how parents must handle the interests of their children. Actually this topic was in my mind ever since I watched ‘3 Idiots’.

Let us set aside the topic of what parents expect from their children. All parents have expectations. I too have. But what really matters is encouraging the interests of children – be it dance, painting, computers, science, wildlife or even space travel.

Here’s one familiar example. A child does not learn to walk on his own one fine morning. He falls down many times before taking a few confident steps. It is same in the case of ambitions too.

Day 1: “Mom, when I grow up, I’ll become Superman and save the world.”
Day 2: “Everyone says I look like Shah Rukh Khan. A film star – that’s what I’m gonna be.”
Day 3: “Did you read this Harry Potter book? Wish I could write something like that.”
Day 4: “Isn’t that exciting? Working in Africa as a vet.”

So as you can see, kids experiment with different interests and nurture the most out-of-the-world dreams before realizing their real passion. Parents have a vital role to play throughout this entire process – helping kids identify and develop their interests.

Wondering how to identify the interests of kids? The next time you take your kids to the park, let them decide what they want to do. Most kids dash off to the nearest swing or see-saw. But if you catch sight of your little one simply staring at a line of ants marching alone, leave him alone. Don’t push him to join the other kids. Let him observe the world around him. Who knows, maybe this curiosity will lead him on to a career in science.

Once you have identified your kid’s talents, it’s time to guide and support those talents. For example, if your child’s wall scribblings have begun to take on clear shapes, get him some drawing sheets and water colors. If nothing fascinates your child like science, get him some books on simple scientific experiments.

As I always say, every child is unique – with different interests and abilities. So don’t worry if your kid’s grades aren’t as good as his friends. Simply let your child follow his dream. One never knows what wonderful opportunities life has in store for him!

Shatter the silence - Protect your little boys from those monsters!

2010-04-12T21:50:00.004+05:30

Well, the monsters I am talking about are not the ones you find in fairy tales, but rather the ones who constantly wear a mask of decency when you are around and then physically abuse your son once you are out of sight. Believe me, this is a bigger issue than anyone would possibly imagine.

All of us are especially careful when leaving a girl child alone with someone. But we never seem to give a second thought to leaving a boy in such a situation. We assume that after all it is a boy, nothing wrong is going to happen. This is in fact a completely wrong assumption. There are more gays in our society than we imagine. And since such people never reveal their sexual (dis)orientation, we are never alert to their actions.

Until recently, I took care to protect my son from all suspicious characters who found their way into our compound – beggars, pilgrims, refugees, hawkers and the like. But I was unaware of the real danger lurking around until my husband told me about it. From the time my son started crawling around on all fours, some of our neighbors would come around and ask if they could take my son home with them for a while. Although there was no particular reason for refusing, I never permitted that. Now I am thankful for the intuition that made me say so.

When my husband told me about a neighbor who was actually gay, I found it hard to believe. After all, the man is married and has a kid too. But being a male, my husband knew several of his male friends who had been mistreated as kids by this particular neighbor. Since I had never heard first-person accounts of such experiences, I asked my husband for more information on this issue. What I heard made one thing clear – when someone mistreats a woman, it leads to much media attention and outcry. Even a mobile camera turned towards a lady can land the person in trouble. But there are men experiencing similar embarrassing situations but unable to reveal the details the way women do. Here are some real life accounts I heard:

There is a small grocery store my husband usually visits for quick purchases. If you ask me about the shop owner, all I would say is - a nice, well-behaved man. My husband disagrees with me and goes on to add that only women will describe him as nice. Being gay, he is irritable only to men. When males make purchases, the shop owner makes every attempt to touch the person and make the buyer stay longer there. Although the women in this locality remain unaware of this situation, the men have known this for long.

In crowded buses or trains, people often observe men who seem to snuggle up to women. But when a few men are huddled together, nobody takes notice. This serves as great opportunities for gays to exercise their sexual fantasies. My hubby and his friends who travel by train are regularly tormented by such men. They say the worst thing is not being able to react when so many women are around.

Its not just women who are scared of walking along dark alleys. Even men have to be careful to avoid homosexuals who may emerge out of the dark to grab them. One of my hubby’s friends experienced this when a gay tried to drag him away to a secluded corner as he was walking from the railway station to the bus stand nearby. The friend escaped unscratched by punching the guy straight in the face.

So as you can see, these homosexuals are all around us – friendly and nice to women but aggressively excited by the presence of males. It is up to parents especially mothers to make their boys realize if they are being mistreated or sexually abused. While I suggest mothers be alert to such behavior and remain protective of very little children, older kids can be taught to recognize the signs and immediately report if someone is making them feel uncomfortable. Although we cannot correct such disoriented individuals, we can certainly take every step to ensure that our kids are safe.

Is your child eating right?

2010-04-11T21:51:00.010+05:30

The topic for this particular write up was suggested by Sonia – a dear friend who is having a tough time getting her kid to eat something. She wanted to know why I didn’t have such a problem with my 2 year old son, Aman. Well, Aman didn’t suddenly begin eating one fine morning. It was a long, slow process of my experiments with different flavors, textures and even colors. So here is a step-by-step guide to make sure your kid starts out with the right nutrition:

The time of weaning is very important

In the place where I live – a very rural one – women continue to breastfeed their kids until the children are old enough to attend school. It is not unusual to find 3-5 year olds still breastfeeding. Since I wasn’t quite sure if this was actually good, I sought the help of my gynecologist. She told me to breastfeed the baby for at least one year. However, she went on to add that I shouldn’t continue with it for over 18 months. A child who is properly introduced to other semi-solid or solid food does not need the mother’s milk beyond the age of 18 months. If you continue even after 18 months, it is going to extremely difficult to wean the child later.

To ensure proper weaning, reduce the number of feeding sessions gradually. A newborn will have to be fed about 10-12 times every 24 hours. Bring it down to 8, then 6, then 3 and so on. By the time my son was 18 months, he was feeding just once a day. So it was easy to wean him. The important thing to remember here is the ‘never offer, never refuse’ rule. That means never encourage the child to continue feeding at this stage and never refuse if the child needs it. The longer you put off weaning, the more hesitant the child will be to try other foodstuffs.

Introducing semi-solid food

My son who used to feed 10-12 times per day until 3 months of age reduced the number of feedings to 6-8 when I introduced him to semi solid foods like ragi and banana kurukku. I did not use a spoon to feed him but instead used a feeding bottle after widening the hole on the nipple. That way he still had the comfort of breastfeeding. The next step was introducing vegetables. I started off with carrot. After cooking a small piece of carrot, I pureed it in the mixer along with some well-cooked rice. My son loved its creamy texture. I also tried potato, beetroot, green peas and egg yolk in the same way. Sometimes I also added a bit of sugar to the mixture.

On to solid food

Once he was comfortable with the semi-solid texture, I stopped pureeing and instead offered him mashed vegetables or egg yolk and rice. Although he didn’t start eating that right away, he didn’t completely refuse to have it either. Gradually, I increased the portions until he finished off a large spoonful of rice and vegetables without putting up a fight. In the meanwhile, he also began eating solid food more often during the day. In the morning, he ate a small share of whatever breakfast the others had – be it dosa, appam, idli, upma, idiyappam or puri. He especially loved wheat stuff like chapatti and puri. It was followed with some baby cereal food. For lunch, he had some rice and veggies. After some more baby food in the evening, he used to wind up with 2 chapattis at night. Naturally, this left him full and nourished that he did not need to be breastfed.

Now

Because he was introduced to a variety of food very early on, Aman was ok with almost anything. He now takes regular portions of vegetables, fish, meat, milk, eggs, fruits, rice and dal. Sometimes he tells me what he wants. If I prepare that, he always eats a bit extra. I also make it a point to ask him what vegetables he wants for lunch. That way he cannot refuse it and say he wants something else when lunch is served. He especially loves carrots, potatoes, beetroot, chicken and boiled egg. Of course, like all other kids, Aman too loves chocolates, ice-cream, noodles and sweets. But I try to keep all that to a minimum and instead offer him carrot halwa, fruit salad or home-made ice-cream. I also go easy on fried or oily stuff.

So that is a summary of my experiments with baby food. While trying out these ideas, remember that your kid needs something more important – lots of water. Make sure your kid is properly hydrated and offer him water after every meal and after play sessions. Whatever you serve, add lots of love to it! Your kid needs it more than anything else!

Believe me, a child is a blessing

2010-04-11T19:55:00.006+05:30

Note: I would like to clarify that the views expressed here are purely my personal opinions. It is not intended to challenge the decisions of people who think differently. If you have a completely different opinion on this topic, I fully respect your views.

I fully agree that the decision to have a child is one’s personal choice. Still, it’s disturbing to hear couples talking about how burdensome a kid can be in their married life. It is even more disturbing to note the increasing number of couples who think so. They put forward lots of theories to justify why a kid will not be welcome in their lives. In their view, a kid can bring in additional expenses, a kid can prove to be a time-consuming commitment and a kid may force a parent to put a brake on his/her soaring career. While there may be a few facts in these justifications, I think it is important to remember that we may not have been here to discuss all this if our parents thought likewise.

Right now, I feel I have to put up a post about this because yesterday I received a call from my friend who wanted to know if it was ok to decide not to have a child and focus on her career instead. She was mainly worried about going on maternity leave for a couple of months and someone else grabbing that promotion she has been working hard for. Frankly, I did not know what to tell her because I knew she was very serious about her career. At the same time, I could not help sharing how much I enjoyed being a mother and how much I value my child over my career.

So here are some points that came up during the course of our discussion:

§ A new baby need not mean the end of your career:

I had been working as a content developer prior to my delivery. In fact, I continued working right up to two weeks before the delivery. Then I went on maternity leave for six months. Actually I was ready to begin working after 3 months. But since I felt the baby needed my attention for some more time, I went on leave for another three months. Once I began working, I informed my office that I would begin with a small workload and gradually increase it as my baby grew older. This allowed me to concentrate on my career without compromising on my time spent with the baby. Now my son is 2 years, I have been promoted and I am earning almost 3 times the amount I used to before the baby arrived.

Personally, I found this quite easy since I was working from home. I did not have to travel to office everyday. I could be engaged in my work while still keeping an eye on the baby. It may not be this simple for ladies working away from home. However, they can still try to create a balance between being a mother and being a career woman.

The lesson here is that you can progress in your career even if you decide to have a baby. However, make sure to inform your superiors in advance if you will not be able to put in as much effort as usual. They too are humans and will naturally understand your problem. They will also appreciate it if you clearly state when you will be available in office and when you are likely to go on leave.

§ Time spent on the child is not time wasted:

Tell me, is there any kind of relationship that does not demand time, attention and care? Then why does it have to be different when it comes to the strongest bond of all – the mother-child relationship?

Every moment you spend with your child is going to be something that you will cherish for a lifetime. Which mother can forget the first time her baby called me ‘Ma’? Or the mess the child created when he began eating on his own? Right now, my son has a different way of showing affection. He loves to kiss my 7-month pregnant tummy and announce that his ‘vava’ is saying ‘Thank you unnichetta’! I don’t think I will be able to forget how special these moments are. In a few years, he will be all grown up and cocooned in a world of his own. So I am looking forward to spending more time with him when is still this innocent.

§ A child is not going to affect the husband-wife intimacy:

The particular friend I was talking about was especially anxious about this. Both her husband and she are highly paid IT professionals who rarely get time for themselves. She says they rarely find time to have a meal together. This hectic pace is already affecting their relationship. So she believes a child is going to widen that gap since it will demand all her time and she will not be able to attend to her husband properly.

I tried to make her understand that a child actually deepens the intimacy between a husband and wife. The husband develops a new respect for the wife as she transforms from just a wife to the mother of his child. And the husband is going to appreciate the fact that the wife is finding more time to care for their child. The wife can involve the husband in caring for the child. For instance, my hubby didn’t mind getting up when my baby began wailing in the middle of the night. He also loved to dress up the child. That involvement has developed into a strong bond. Now this father-son duo exercise together, team up to drive me mad and even go on long drives without me. My son has definitely brought us closer and continues to strengthen our love and respect for each other.

Well, this pretty well sums up our discussion. I hope I succeeded in convincing my friend to go on with the decision to have a baby. After all, I meant every word I said. I enjoy my motherhood so much that I am now preparing to welcome my second child. What more proof do you need?

Cruising down the emerald waters…

2009-07-17T23:15:00.009+05:30

Last week my family had the chance to go on a backwater cruise along with three other families. Although I had seen a lot of houseboats and even written quite a lot on them, I never imagined a real trip abroad one would be such an out-of-the-world experience. I never knew so much natural beauty and peace existed in the world. Let me share my experience of this houseboat cruise with you.

The serene backwaters and lagoons, the imposing houseboats and the nostalgic trip down nature’s waterways is an experience that is unique to Kerala. It offers you an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to enjoy the splendor of ‘God’s Own Country’ while lazing on a luxurious floating resort.

The breathtaking backwaters of Kerala have become the trademark of Kerala tourism. Kerala backwaters are a unique feature found nowhere else in the world. These backwaters are a network of lakes, canals and estuaries of forty-four rivers that drain into the Arabian Sea. It is also a self-supporting eco-system teeming with aquatic life. The narrow canals connect the villages together and still are used for local transport.

Over 900km of this labyrinthine water world is navigable with kettuvellams or houseboats that carefully blend traditional and modern concepts. The charming cocoon-shaped silhouette of the houseboat is retained while its interior is converted into elegant suites, complete with bath-attached bedrooms, lounge, deck, living and dining area, toilet and kitchenette.

Surrounded by its all-natural decor, houseboats provide the ideal observation platform, not just for underwater life, flora and fauna, but also for the charming rural lifestyle slipping by in slow motion. These regal houseboats run by private tour operators did not come cheap, but the experience will left me with a true sense of the wonder that is Kerala.

And the food? Simply yummy! We enjoyed a delicious meal of traditional Kerala cuisine made of fresh catch and local flavors and spices and served in style by the crewmembers onboard. Of course, there was the renowned ‘Karimeen’ (pearlspot) fry too along with meat dishes, tapioca and steaming rice.

By the way, these houseboats have also found mention in the National Geographic Traveler that says, “It is astonishingly romantic to watch the sunset from one kettuvellams among several, while the boatmen hang lanterns and a pearly glow fades behind the scrim of palms…waking at dawn, we find ourselves surrounded by hundreds of fishermen’s skiffs on the immense Vembanad Lake. It’s like time travel into a quiet morning of another century.”

For those enthusiasts looking forward to savor life in its natural and pristine settings, I would definitely recommend a backwater cruise in enchanting Kerala. Get ready to glide into a world of rippling water, placid lakes and lush greenery and to spectacle the sublime beauty of Kerala’s natural settings.

Why do these women continue to suffer???

2009-05-12T19:40:00.008+05:30

Recently I came across a post by Meenakshi Reddy on her blog 'The Compulsive Confessor'. The issue discussed was not something uncommon. In fact, it seems like most of us are no longer interested in such episodes since that's what all newspapers regularly serve us these days. But when I read about the first-hand experience of a lady who suffered extreme cruelties from her husband, I got thinking about how much such women really suffer in silence just because they are more concrend about their family's reputation or their childern rather than their own happiness. Do check out this post here.

I never understood why such women suffer so much when they have an easy way out - divorce. But this post offered so much insight into how a divorce procedure is easier said than done. I always wondered - even if for the sake of their children - isn't there a limit on how much physical and mental anguish a woman can bear?

There is a woman in my family - I will call her Meena here. She was a typical village girl from one of the most rural areas in Kerala - not very educated, not employed and no knowledge of the bad world outside her home. Meena's family married her off amidst great pomp and celebration. The guy was employed in the gulf. A month after marriage the guy flew back to gulf. Meena was pregnant by now. The guy did not phone her even once for the next 7 years. He never gave an explanation.

Everybody advised her to proceed with a divorce and get remarried. But Meena refused. She remained hopeful that her husband would come back for her one day. Unable to watch her leading a pitiable life with a 7 year old son, her parents contacted the Indian embassy and filed a compliant against the guy. A few months later, the guy was forced to fly down for compromise talks.

He didn't seem to enthusiastic to reclaim his wife and son. But when the elders decided that was the way to go, he simply nodded. A few months later, he again flew back. This time he kept phoning once in a while to make sure nobody again accused him of abandoning his family. This went for for almost an year. Then rumors spread that the guy had a Pakistani girlfriend living with him in the Gulf. The rumors turned out to be true. Due to pressure from his family, he again flew down to Kerala. Everyone again tried to convince Meena that she had no future with that guy. But she maintained that she would face anything for the sake of her son. She went back to live with him.

Now this guy was furious at being separated from his girlfriend. He simply sat at home all day long, never looked for another job. Meena sold all her jewellery to run the house. She turned to her parents when her kid had nothing to eat. But she still remained stubbornly attached to her husband.

He continued to threaten Meena that he would make her suffer so much that she would go back on her own. Slowly the threatenings began to materialize. He started abusing her physically. One night, she arrived at her parents house - all black and blue and bruised. The guy had attacked her inhumanly. Now everyone agreed this was the limit. This time, the elders took charge - they did not wait for an opinion from Meena. They decided to proceed with a divorce.

After 10 days, Menna's husband arrived at her house with a few friends. While he remained silent all the while, his friends tried to justify the guy's actions. Meena's parents refused to accept all that. They showed him the way out. And there it was - Meena was all ready with her luggage to return home with her husband. She refused to listen to anyone.

Even today, the guy sits around, watches cricket and expects Meena to compel her father to pay for her household too. The abuse also continues. Although her family will always be there to help her out, they know it is futile to keep worrying. Unless Meena is really aware of how serious her situation is, she is never going to get out of that hell. She still expects that the guy will develop affection for her and will care for her too.

In the meanwhile, the guy has hinted to Meena's father that the next time he attacks her, Meena will will not be alive to tell the story.

God, why do these women continue to suffer? Who will make them understand that life is too precious to be wasted like this? Who will convince them that some savage men are never going to change? Who will tell them to get out before it's too late?

This one's for you grandpa

2009-02-16T23:30:00.003+05:30

Prologue: This post isn’t deliberately intended to hurt anyone. I am merely expressing my feelings of frustration and rage towards certain individuals who cannot quit being stubborn even when a loved one lies cold and dead before them.

Death of a loved one is such a sober experience. Especially if the person has given us lots of good memories. It’s hard to imagine how life would go on without the presence of such a nice soul. I am having such feelings for a reason – my grandpa passed away last week.

And because I am considered as the prodigal one in the family, nobody bothered to inform me. But when a kind guy did remember to call me up with the sad news, I was overwhelmed with sorrow. I very badly wanted to see grandpa one last time. But like everyone else, I cannot simply walk in like that – I had to get permission through proper channels to even attend my grandpa’s funeral. Damn it!

So I contacted the Head Office (my Dad) who asked me to wait until he ‘considered and discussed’ my request with the concerned authority (my Mom). I waited and waited. No response. I tried contacting the HO again – no one attended the call though. After a while HO passed me a message through a mediator conveying that my request had been declined. Wow! What (in)decent way to say ‘No’!

There are some things in life that comes only once – this incident was like that. I wanted to see my grandpa and pay my last respects to him – an unrealized wish I was willing to accept. However, there is something I cannot forget and forgive. I very much wanted to show my son his only great grandpa – at least his mortal remains. That request too went unheard. My son is the only great grandchild in the family. Yet no one felt he needed to be there for the funeral.

So let me say this to the active conductors of the funeral – you could prevent me from seeing grandpa one last time. But how will you wipe away the bond that we share? The blood bond that will keep us connected no matter what. The more you deny this bond, the harder it strikes back.

And grandpa, wherever you are, let me tell you how much I grieve your loss and how precious you were. You will always remain close to my heart. I could not tell you all this one last time. So let me eternalize your loss on my blog. Love you. Goodbye grandpa.

My Gurus - in school, college and beyond

2009-02-07T20:45:00.001+05:30

I believe a teacher is simply more than someone who teaches you something. A teacher must be able to inspire students, to provoke curiosity in them and make them understand that education is going to be their greatest asset in life. Of course, that’s no easy task. But when a teacher makes this task of teaching seem so effortless and natural, those are moments the students never forget.

I spent most of my schooling years in the IPHS (Indian Public High School, Ras Al Khaimah) – a sprawling campus with lots of greenery. Actually all that greenery was the first thing I noticed when I visited this school for the first time to gain admission to the 5th grade. The abundance of nature here was in stark contrast to the other schools that were merely bland concrete structures.

Okay. So I joined the school and soon learnt to go with the flow there. I loved the teachers there – all of them were so friendly, helpful and understanding. Take the case of Sujatha Ma’am (our Vice-Principal). She would regularly stop me whenever she caught sight of me and inquire about my studies, performance in the exams and all academic stuff. And just before trailing off, she would remark,”Nitha did not have time to put on some kajal today, huh?” It was amazing how she would notice something as silly as that.

And our principal (Anubha Nijhawan). I absolutely adored her. She had a way of wearing the saree that made her look professional and smart yet so ethnic and modest. One picture of her I will always remember is when a KG kid approached her with some problem and she stooped so low to the level of the kid to patiently listen to what the kiddo had to say before calming it down.

Almost all the teachers there are close to my heart. Then there is this tendency of liking some teachers because you like their subject, right? Since I loved English, the English teachers were always my favorite – Latha Ma’am, Hero Sir, Daisy Ma’am. The opposite tendency was also true in my case – liking a subject because of a teacher. So I began to develop a liking for Chemistry because James Sir taught us. His classes were so lively and engaging.

Okay..okay I haven’t forgotten Yesudas sir. How can I? He was someone with vast reserves of knowledge not only of Biology but everything under the sun. Even after I came to Kerala, I used to visit him at his house in Kollam. I think I have been there about 3-4 times. Alan accompanied me on one occasion.

There there was Abu sir and his high-impact Maths classes, Tom sir and his subdued Physics classes, Hariharan Sir and his animated Physics classes, Jacob sir and his horrible jokes, Jaison sir who was always in a hurry, Sherry sir and his merry PE sessions….unforgettable memories. By the way, did you know that Hari sir nicknamed me ‘AK 47’….okay Dodo, you didn’t know that till now na?

Soon I was in college. Our HOD was Vijayam Miss – someone very young in mind though close to her retirement age. She used to come to college in an old, red car that was always adorned with crow’s ‘kaashttam’! She had tons of energy – always running around and seemed to be in all places at once. When we went on a 5-day tour, I felt it was Vijayam Miss who enjoyed the trip more than us. She dived with us into the swimming pool, danced along with us in the bus, slept cuddling us at night….sigh…I really miss you Ma’am. Maybe because she has such a sunny attitude, she outshone all other teachers in college.

From college, I went on to a professional course in travel and tourism. The teachers there too were inspirational. Raj Kumar sir in particular was popular due to his innocent way of presenting notorious jokes. Mala Ma’am was the most considerate teacher I have ever come across – no other teacher can be so honestly concerned about the progress of students. She often went out of her way and put in extra time and effort to make sure we were doing well.

Although my academic life ended there, I still kept coming across a few inspirational people who I consider my teachers in many respects. One instance is that of Suresh Sir. He isn’t a teacher anywhere. But I call him Sir since he is a lot older than me with a striking personality that commands respect. Suresh Sir works in the marketing department of Milma in Alappuzha. I met him on train while both of us were working in Trivandrum. He speaks such clear and crisp language that you can directly send for print without any editing. He gave us – the young folk – a lot of advice on progressing in our careers and in our lives. But there was something else – he was unmarried. Once when a guy questioned him about that, he simply changed the topic without answering. But I still remember the sad and thoughtful look he maintained throughout the journey that day. I wonder what that look meant…..Anyways I still keep in touch with him via phone calls.

So, the list may still go on. As life goes on, many more such inspirational beings may come into my life to guide, correct or help me. To all the wonderful people I have mentioned here and to all who are yet to come, let me bow before you. There is no other way or no apt words to describe how much you continue to light up my life.

Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavanthu

2008-12-31T20:47:00.000+05:30

This way out 2008; come right in 2009!

So, one more year is on the way out. In a few hours, we'll welcome a new year. And along with that new hopes, new goals, new resolutions and - most importantly - new prayers for a better world.

2008 was sure a happening year in terms of disasters. From the perspective of a typical Keralaite, it was another horrible year filled with innumerable harthaals, strikes, price hikes, accidents, murders, rapes...what not. I especially remember the Irikkur accident that killed 9 little kids and the Santhosh Madhavan affair.

From a national point of view, every Indian will forever connect 2008 with the terrorist attack on Mumbai. While India and Pakistan still continue to fire arguments and accusations over the issue, the obvious losers are the ones who have lost one more loved ones in the attack. Remember Sandeep Unnikrishnan - the brave major who fought till his last breath to save others? Another braveheart was a personnel of the Taj Hotel ( i don't remember his name) who lost his wife and 2 kids while trying to save the guests in the hotel. I salute the courage and sense of duty that he showed by rejoining work soon after.

The international outlook is more disheartening - the worldwide financial crisis, war in Israel, uprising in Tibet, the shoe attack on Bush, global warming,...

But as the saying goes - every cloud has a silver lining. So 2008 also brought a handful of good news - India's first individual gold medal at the Olympics, the rise of Barack Obama as US President, China's dominance at the Olympics,...

Finally, from a personal front, this is the year I began blogging. So, I felt I simply had to put up a post before the year ran out! I would like to thank everyone who have helped me or made my day - in ways big or small - this year.

Thank you Dodo for encouraging my blogging and providing great feedback.

Thank u Kuttan and Shaawin for visiting me and sharing a meal with my family.

Thank you Hafeela aunty and Aysha for still loving me.

Thank you Dad for still being so concerned about me. I love you.

Thank you Manu for loving me and tolerating me throughout this year!

Thank you Aman for filling my life with joy.....the list goes on.

Ok so it's time to show 2008 the way out and lay out the red carpet for 2009 (don't get so excited 2009, you will be similarly kicked out in 365 days!). 2008 wasn't a really great year; so let's hope 2009 proves better. I hope for more peace, better people, more greenery, less wars, no terrorism ( I know I'm being too ambitious) and of course more blogging!

Let's welcome 2009 with the ancient but very relevant words - Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavanthu.

Happy New Year everyone!

Together forever

2008-11-06T21:40:00.000+05:30

Introduction
Ok…the topic for this particular write-up was suggested by Dodo – a dear (but unfortunately, completely nuts!!) friend of mine.

You may call this a small (very small!!) peek into my love story. Well, first of all I wonder why this should be called a story when it isn’t a story at all, but a real-life incident. But I guess the word ‘story’ will continue to arouse interest regardless of age. So, here’s the story.

Let me borrow Dodo’s flashback style of narration (without asking him, of course!)

April 2006

I arrive at the Kochi metro to join my new job as a content developer in a software firm. About a week into my job, I meet Manu through a mutual friend. There wasn’t what you could call ‘sparks flying’, ‘instant chemistry’ or ‘love at first sight between us’. But I somehow found myself thinking about him. After a few days, I received a call from Manu. We got chatting. We got chatting for hours. We got chatting like hell!!! This went on for the next, few months.

July 2006
By now, both of us were seriously considering marriage. We informed our homes. All hell broke loose. I was forced to the resign job, taken home and kept under constant supervision. I was even subject to a few sessions of counseling aimed at changing my mind. In the meanwhile, another guy came to see me, liked me and things were quickly going out of my control. I was being forced into a marriage I didn’t like.

September 2006
Torn between my parents and love for Manu, I had to make my mind - fast. I chose Manu. I left home. We got married the next day. We settled down in Manu’s house and were soon engaged in our respective careers. Ya, I know what you are thinking of. There was no honeymoon. Due to the unexpected marriage and subsequent threats and problems from my family, we decided it was best to keep a low profile.

There were lots of threats, a civil case, attempts of physical harm, online harassment, hate mails…what not. But somehow, we managed to outlive all that. Maybe it was not just ‘somehow’, but because of our strong belief in God and because we were determined to live well and prove our decision was right.

September 2007
God was surely up there watching, guiding and protecting us. By the time we celebrated our first wedding anniversary, we had a 2-month-old li’l bundle of joy in our arms – our son Aman. Aman is obviously lucky for us – he brought us better times with great-paying careers for both of us. Today, our life entirely revolves around Aman.

So did our love win?
Yes and no. We managed to fulfill our dream of living together, having a baby, sharing every li’l joy and sorrow. But when I look back at the path we have trodden, the hearts we have broken, the bonds we have crushed, I feel we have lost more than what we have gained. My family has not spoken to me ever since I have left them.

As far as I am concerned, there is no pain greater than not being able to see or even speak to my parents who have spent the best part of their life bringing me up as an independent, confident individual. There is nothing more depressing than being unable to bask in the love of my brothers – who were more like friends to me. I really miss seeing them, talking to them, simply spending time with them.

So, how do I manage?
I know I cannot have the best of both worlds. So, I try to enjoy the most of what I have now. I celebrate every li’l step that Aman takes towards getting bigger, stronger and naughtier. I try to give my best to my roles as a wife, mother and daughter-in-law. Best of all, I enjoy testing Manu’s patience till he blows a fuse…hahaha

The morals of the story
Unlike the message conveyed by films, love does not have a happy ending once you get married. Marriage is just the beginning of love – a love that is rock-solid, more intimate, more understanding, more forgiving and more rewarding.

Sometimes, you may have to give up precious bonds to realize your love. Make sure you are emotionally strong to manage that.

I must add one more fact. Now I know it’s easy to fall in love with someone. But to fall all over in love with the same person after marriage, you have to be really lucky – like me!

Manu, from the depths of my heart, let me keep confessing ‘I love you.’

Been a long time...na??

2008-10-17T22:19:00.000+05:30

Work has kept me real busy for soooo long. In fact, I hardly had time for anything else.

My entire day seems to be divided between my son and my work. Talking about Aman, he is getting naughtier by the day. I have no idea how to control his tantrums and mischief. I have to keep monitoing him 24x7. Gets himself into trouble if i let him out of sight for a moment. And now that he has started walking well, he seems to be making rounds of the house again and again and again...Almost seems like an ad of Eveready batteries...keeps going on and on and on...hehehe

He seems to be a fast learner too. He picks up and repeats a word even if he has heard it just once or twice. He loves songs - especially Tamil songs of Vijay - u know the dappaankoothu stuff... hehehe. And oh...he is a great dancer...simply pops out of his seat and begins dancing when he hears a fast number.

ok..motherhood is turning to be a stressing but fulfilling experience....u know i love it when people compliment 'ur son is so sweet'...after all my son na???? Touchwood!!!

Fatherly love

2008-08-21T22:43:00.000+05:30

“I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection” – Sigmund Freud

Freud obviously knew what he was talking about when he said so.

And from personal experience, I feel a fathers’ protection and presence is not just necessary but absolutely vital for enhancing social skills and gender-specific attributes in kids.

I believe I happen to be so talkative coz my Dad was so. I think I’m creative coz my dad was so. And I know I am positive-minded (again) coz my dad was so. I seem to have absorbed all those qualities from him. (It’s another story that I have also inherited his fiery temper, stubbornness and I-am-always-right attitude!!)

My Dad was an imposing figure and his character was even more imposing. I guess that kept us kids from getting too close with him. But Dad always made sure he was there when we needed him, he knew each of us inside out and he always pretended not to be aware of our latest mischiefs at school.

But all that seems like a looooooong time back…..Now I’m grown-up, married, a mum…And now I get to see another aspect of fatherly love that my hubby – Manu - showers on our son…..

Manu is a real doting father…very intimate with the baby…From the day my son was delivered, Manu has been actively involved in all aspects of caring for the baby…He never seemed to mind sitting up at nights with the wailing baby while I was recuperating from the C-section and trying to catch some sleep!!! Even though he didn’t even know how to pick up a new-born, Manu simply scooped up the baby in whatever way he could without hurting it…

Slowly Manu learnt the art of properly holding a baby, cradling it, rocking it to sleep, sometimes singing a lullaby and (most importantly) changing diapers!!! As the baby grew, so did Manu’s love and enthusiasm to care for the kid….You wouldn’t believe if I said that the baby seemed to recognize Manu long before he realized I was his mum…..

Soon Manu and the baby started playing together…they seemed to be having the time of their lives laughing and trying to knock down each other on the bed…That rough playing is what I think boys prefer…It’s a distinctly different parenting style from mine….While I try to soothe and calm down the baby, Manu likes to excite and stimulate him…

And the result of all that love, care and attention? I’m not sure how to put it down in words…But just take a look at my son’s face when he sees his father come home after work. His face lights up with so much joy and a 100 watt smile as he races to get a bear hug from Dad…It’s as if he hasn’t seen his Dad in ages…Though I get a bit green at that sweet scene, I’m so happy at the rapport they share….

To sum it up, I feel the new breed of fathers redefine traditional concepts of parenting….The trend is more like shared parenting now…And as far as the kids are concerned, they stand to gain as they will have two caring parents who can both take charge.

Listening to the raindrops

2008-07-16T23:44:00.000+05:30

Its monsoon in Kerala...The magic of these rains is hard to describe in words....One minute you see the scorching sun, suddenly the entire sky is overcast by ominously black clouds and the very next minute the rains pour down....Sometimes the rains can lash down without warning...and sometimes you get to see the rains and the bright sun together - with delighful displays of rainbows!!!

I only thing I find irritating about the rains is that it makes drying clothes almost impossible...I hang out the clothes on the line and before I turn away I hear the rains appraching....Off I go, scrambling to collect all the clothes before getting drenched....as i somehow manage to make it to the door, the rain just seems to disappear and the sunshine seens to be laughing at me!! Once again i set out to repeat the procedure...In short, I simply keep running to and fro with the clothes...at the end of the day, all the damp clothes will be hung from all available spaces inside the house...

The best thing about the rain is its rejuvenating effect - it seems to have a soothing effect not just on the body but on over-heated nerves too!! And I love the smell of wet earth...the scent given out by dry earth that has been long awaiting a cool shower...

What do I do on a rainy day?? Nothing!! I just curl up near the front door, watching the rains... munch on some peanuts and wonder if my hubby is getting soaked in the rains right now!!!

The rains always brighten up my mood...Oh how I love these cool showers!!! Hey whatcha you waiting for??? Get out in the rains and enjoy this delighful blessing that God is 'showering' down on us!!

Behind the name Aman

2008-07-14T22:00:00.000+05:30

Thats my son Aman at 1 month of age...

Prior to my delivery, my hubby and I spent hours trying to decide on a name for our would-be-arriving-son baby....however with the delivery of a boy, name suggestions began pouring in from all corners...and we could not simply turn a deaf ear to all that and go on with with an independent decision...

We decided to honor the suggestions from my father-in-law...he just wanted a small name, meaningful and containing the letters from my hubby's name and mine (Manu and Nitha)...he also suggested the name 'AMIN' ...we slightly edited the name and settled on Aman.

And just yesterday I discovered that the name is not just made up of letters from our names...but the name is hidden within my name "Nitha Manu"...did you spot it....??

Now take a look NITHA MANU...got it now???? Interesting isn't it??? Then I will let you on another interesting fact...My name has similarly been derived from my mom's name "ANITHA"...Now that makes it two consecutive generations with names extracted from the names of their respective mothers....WOW!!!

A work-at-home mom....ME!!!!

2008-07-14T15:49:00.000+05:30

I had always loved working out of home.....travelling, meeting new people, sharing ideas, having fun.... I was primarily engaged in the travel industry.....But after marriage and a child, my preferances have altered considerably...Now I am not so keen on working away from home...I feel I have to be here for my baby at this stage of his life - when he really needs me....That is when I thought of working 'from home'....

And the decision could not have been better...Now I have a great career, good pay, reasonable working hours, lots of time to spend with my family (and in the kitchen!!!) and - best of all - I don't even have to step out of home....Now isn't that the perfect job of your dreams..??

When I began hunting for jobs from home, I came across hundreds of sites (most demanding an initial investment) that promised ridiculously huge amounts for working with them....after corresponding with them for a while, I discovered most of them to be just scams....and after about 6 months of hunting I realized that there was no short-cut to a great income from the convenience of your home....In short, you have to be willing to put in time and hard work to start earning real money....

My first stumbling block was that I wasn't professionally qualified...I just happened to have a degree in literature, fairly good creative writing skills in English and a wild imagination!!!! And since i could not include all that (except the degree) on my resume, I wondered who on earth would actually offer ME a job....Anyways, the first thing I did was to spice up my old resume and register with all leading online job-sites - naukri.com, monster.com and the like....

Believe me, the result I got was overwhelming....I could hardly believe there were so many opportunities available for creative writers today.....I responded to a few companies whose pay scale and working hours seemed to match my needs....after a few writing tests, I joined three companies as part-time content developer.....now i have enough work to keep me busy and earn me a good income...I have also recommended several of my friends (and earned a small commission too!!)

soon I began browsing for more info on such jobs and discovered the variety of writing-oriented jobs available - ad writer, copy writer, content developer, editor, proofreader, technical writer, instructional designer,.....I can go on.

So if you are sure of your creative writing skills (devoid of grammatical errors), if you have a practical knowledge of the MS-office suite, if you are comfortable with resarching on the web, if you are willing to put in some time and effort...then wat r u waiting for??? send me a mail at nitha.manu@yahoo.com and i will be happy to get you started....

Hope my little write-up was useful.....

Joys of motherhood

2008-07-13T11:39:00.000+05:30

A new baby always seems to conjure up images of long, sleepless nights, constant wailing, dirty diapers, toddler tantrums and the like....But belive me...there is a much brighter side to the whole experience....

Ever seen new-born dreaming? His tiny lips slowly curling into a smile and sometimes the toothless gums peeping out? It's one of the cutest expressions I've ever come across....Though i often wonder what these babies are actually dreaming of!!!

And I love the way my tiny bundle of joy snuggles up to me when sleepy....Though he is one real Mr. Stubborn, he can be real sweet, considerate and innocent at times....

And after his arrival I've learnt to keep my temper in check, to make the most of my time (which means winding up all chores while he's taking a nap!), to appreciate the little joys he brings....well you could say he has almost transformed me....

Let me say a prayer to the Almighty for giving me this little cutie pie and the incomparable joys of motherhood....

Just began blogging...

2008-07-07T20:31:00.000+05:30

I've been thinking of a blog for a long time....Time constraints (and a bit of laziness!!) delayed the realization of a blog till now...ok anyways I've arrived!!!